Hanging between 2 dimensions....

When i was young, i am inspired to be good in English, because my English was really bad when i was in primary and secondary school. I am always very attracted to the western culture, their degree of openness and mindset.

Now that i am here in Brissie, i feel that i have fallen in love with this place and at the same time, being an A**H**E, i love Singapore too. What a word to describe myself :P

I can't explain the emotions i have right now, thinking that i am leaving here, for Singapore, i have this " i can't bear to leave" feelings in me. Although alot, ALOT of things had happened for this semester, it is by far, the most dramatic experience than the last semester. But of course, i am happy :)

The impossibles have happened and i was kinda shocked. I always thought that those kind of "events" wouldn't occur to me, but it did and it actually brought me away from the idea that that's all just a fairytale event or only in the movies, you will get to see it happening......

A lot of things have happened and some times, no matter how hard i try to explain my emotions and thoughts, it doesn't seems to make a lot of sense to people around me. But trust me, i ain't trying to avoid an existing problem, i am trying to tell the truth about my feelings and i am communicating with my emotions and at the same time, making the best choice out of the limited choices i have.

I always believe in love, that's how it will always be......... but perhaps at times, priorities in our life do change based on different situations. It doesn't mean that in love, it's always about 24/7, the idea of mature love didn't come to me until i am here...... i learn that the idea of control is not the best way to keep someone yours. In a mature love relationship, even without the need to lay out the rules, we should know it clearly that what are the various things that when done, will "disturb" the promised bond between 2 person. Even without the need to text everyday, both knows that each other is safe and still love you.......

From my friend, Kristine's point of view in her love, is freedom with self made restraints on certain actions. She told me how devastated she is in her relationship and i feel her. A very nice and sweet girl, if i were the guy, i would give my all to her......... somehow, her idea of love and mine seems to "ride" on the same basis of "maturity"........

As for me, when love comes, it doesn't always mean it will be the right one and it doesn't always mean if i miss this, it might not come anymore. Would you rather try something that will work for a long period of time, with deep understandings or rush into something and hoping that it will turn out well....... I have done that and never will i do that again........not that i have lost confidence in love or in people, it's just that i am fighting against this "writer's block" in me.....

Quote of the night.....

The only thing powerful enough to demoralize oneself is you, yourself.......

The Dirt Path of Sorrows....

Hmmmm, it's night time and i am still up? Sounds illogical.... But anyway, lately it has been bothering me a lot, the sounds of discontentment from people gets me really upset somehow. Not because i don't have the chance to be able to feel discontented about life, simply because i am contented with what i have. From these people, i feel that sometimes it is really good to think out of your personal well-being, the well-being of others as well. It doesn't have to be me, but at least to your parents, people whom you think deserve your few seconds of thoughts......

Sometimes when i feel that i am losing myself, i hide in the toilet and sing, to at least make me feel a little better before continuing with my life over here. I have no one that i can confide to but i have friends in Singapore whom i can, through MSN but most of my sorrows were written in the diary i have right beside my bed. A diary where i "dump" my thoughts in before i go to bed, if i feel they are too much to handle.

I see friends falling out on each other. Some times, we know it ourselves, at certain point of time in our friendship, we happen to bump into certain aspects of an idea that we couldn't come to an agreement with, that's when the tension gets a little intense. Back-stabbing is an atrocious thing to do, why do it? What do you get out of it? It is so common that people tend to put words in each other mouth and make it convincely real but then again, why do it? What's your motive of doing it? All these have to stop, what is the difference between you and an enemy?

We all have our fair shares of incidents, accidents, unfortunate events, pain and etc, some people grow from them, some dwell in them and some just never learn. Different people have different capacity of accepting facts and some have different ways of managing them. There is no right or wrong ways but there are actually best solutions. We humans, as we grow old, we learn to start to accept life as how it is for us, instead of questioning the treachery of life, we accept every reasons life have given us. Some things we can change but most of the things, we can't. This is a fact, to me at least it is.

I want to be genuinely happy, how can i achieve that? I try to be positive, i try to be nice to people so that they will be nice to me as well. But what makes me happy the most is to see happiness in others, that's what makes me smile the most :)

Quote of the night....

Life isn't cruel but life for us is tough, why make it tougher by creating dispute? Learn from mistakes and grow.......happiness comes from within, but the trigger points of happiness comes from the sight.......

An entity that crossed.....

Yesterday was my birthday, which was just like any other day. Other then an occurrence of a "natural disaster" (flooding of the facebook), my housemates and i went out for dinner at Macdonalds. It felt like 3 small kids holding hands and ordering Macs at the counter hahaha. Cute isn't it? A year older and my wish is always the same many many years ago, to be genuinely happy........

Let's talk about love...... recently, i had been thinking about love. Same old repeated question, what exactly is it all about? I have been missing someone lately, not too much, but good enough to get me tossing and turning all night.

Msn has always been my mode of communications with fellow Singapore friends but the timings are a lil annoying at times. Chatting with friends have always been part of my breaks in between or probably even during revisions period. This particular person that i chat with had a seemingly unique way of communication, Vincent Lee Kok Wei, to confirm the identity of this person, 9036867..... To others i am not sure, but to me it feels rather different. I can't really describe these feelings, they are kinda messed up at the moment. It's kinda shocking for me to find out that he is 3 years younger than me!! My younger sister is 4 years "downstream" of me hahaha "things that will happen, WILL happen", but i trust that in him are faith and passion, for the person meant to be with him :) jiayou!

I have something to say......

Just like a newborn, facing the world
Knowing the path ahead, starting all over again
Learning the new things, remembering the past
Walking the path alone, thinking about you.......
Dashing forward, looking back...
The past dissipates, condenses on my mind....
It was never about you but it has to be you...........

Quote of the day...

Sometimes things can happen without you realising the credibility of it....

Is this how it should be??

The exams are around the corner and heaps of assignments to complete. Am i having a great time over here? Seriously, great time is when i am in school listening to specifically interesting microbiology lectures, other then that, there isn't much things to be fascinated about.

One thing for sure, whenever i am in the city, everything around me, i mean EVERYTHING, never fails to make me happy. I must say this, Singapore is small, yet the chance of "viewing" is so much lower as compared to here.

I am trying to love again, but every time i try, i can literally sees the "after effect" of the whole cycle. I believe, having been through 2 relationships, as i move on, it gets harder for me to have it yet again. Nothing to do with characters or any emotional aspects of past "trauma" but it's more of not wanting to see yet the same "phases" occurring again.

25 more days to go.... and i will be back home to see the remains of the battle against human's crisis..... Hope everything is going on well back in Singapore :), would love to enjoy the smell of Singapore again..... cheerz and JIAYOU!!!

And again to the past....

Many many many strawberries in a plastic bag, this many cost about 2 AUD!! Just imagine....

Ici bici spider~ haha i have no clue what this breed is, but it appeared out of now where in the living room, freaky isn't. Imagining waking up with a tarantula by your face???

Hmmmm, just as "camwhory" as before, new hairstyle, how's it? hahaha

I am really bored..... another hairstyle?? Perhaps?? haha

And this is!!! The Korean Buffet Restaurant!! Really expensive but well, once in awhile doesn't really burn your pocket. TASTY!!!


Now that the exams are coming, which will also mean that i will be heading back home really soon. Wonder how's everything back home? I am worried sick for my family. I am really sorry that i can't be there physically to protect you all, i promise, i will make up to you......

Day after day, i feel like i am starting to fade away.... with time and my soul seems like it's departing my body....... my heart bleeds every beat....... the pain only grew on me....... Seriously, all these because of what? I have no clue but it seems like it has always been like that.....

During my lecture in the morning, i thought of a title that best describes my current journey in life, " Memoirs of a one winged angel"........ How should i start writing this book?..... Stay tune for the very first chapter..... "The once rising star".....


Quote of the night


The lights in the morning is always the most beautiful because you know u wouldn't be cold again....... The transition boundary between day and night..... the transition of cold to warm..... but somehow, something will always remain the same..... you should figure it out yourself :)

The fight...

Been feeling rather lethargic these days. I kept thinking over and over, what's actually wrong with me? It almost felt like i am not myself anymore......

Working hard on one subject but still not much improvements or perhaps not to what i expected from it. This will be the third attempt and i hope this will at least help me up a little.

Too much have been happening and i am all around the place. 4 more weeks to the final "test" of knowledge and am i ready for it? No i am not.......i hope i will be able to again shine discretely just like how i did for my last semester...... I must prevail....

Someone offered me a weird job, i don't know if that's even a job. USD 100 per client hahaha it doesn't sounds right to call them clients. More like serving as a prostitute. Sorry i can't find a better way to say that. Well i don't know, good money but it's like dumping yourself into a shit hole, after a clean up, a foul smell still lingers.......

Know a new person, i wouldn't say a friend yet. He seems proud about himself and the way he describe things? I was trying really hard to understand what he is trying to bring across to me. I see complacency and over-confidence in him that he is one of a kind but sadly i don't feel so. He displayed an arrogant feel. Same age as me but my advice is, don't overestimate oneself, for when you fall, it will be endless.......

Can't wait to return to hometown for the warmth. Being here is like trying to overcome the affliction of icy tempest. I am exhausted..... so much for this journey and so much i have to pay for it..... not in terms of money.....

Who will i run to?? I run to no one but cuddle to the side of the wall, tearing.... I hope i will be happy one day, genuinely happy... i know the day will come and whatever we want or wish for, we will have to work for it..... that's how things are always like......

Quote of the night....

The cries of the wolf doesn't signify danger but the pain of lonliness.....

What am i?

These few days had been a rather challenging days for me. Feeling lethargic and at the same time been thinking alot. Family, love, work and friends. All at once and somehow i couldn't segment them appropriately and i am always in a confused state.

I know there isn't anything much that i can do for the case of an imminent family crisis, for the fact that i am here but of course, i still worry for them....

Love has been occupying quite a big space in my mind. I kept thinking who should i choose? Or in the first place, do i even have a choice to make? I try to be nice and with a basic courtesy in mind, people often misunderstands me. This is not because i am interested in you. I am not someone who look at the picture of a person and based on how he/she look like, grew to have interest on that person. My interest on a person doesn't grow based on that person's look. It takes far more than that. But there are some that i am interested in but but but again, it doesn't seem right somehow. Ask me and i really have no clue about it.

Work work work for? Money or interest? For the next 4 years after graduating, i am focusing on money not interest. Shocking? Maybe not. My interests are always on science especially astronomy that i always wanted to get my hands on the proper educations on astronomy. That i will have to wait for quite some time though but it's all worth it.

Friends........ so what exactly friends are for? I always feel that friends are used to be used. I don't maybe that's how it appears to be visually but perhaps the psychological aspects of it are different. Friends are perhaps like seasons. They come and go just like how the 4 seasons will share a quarter of a year of their time. Some friends are friends while some friends are motive driven.... and we still call them friends. What a joke.

There are many things, things as in emotions, going through me every now and then.....i feel really drowned and don't know what exactly is in my mind now. Somehow i can't differentiate the good from the bad. Everything is good at first contact, subsequently we discover more than what that meets the eye and that's how we learn more about the nature or characteristic of that thing. It can be anything.

5 months have passed since the "story" ended. How am i feeling? Frankly speaking, i don't feel sad because it's over. I feel fresh but also at the same time, thinking about what's next on my list of things that i want to do.

Genuine and original species are endangering or perhaps they are already extinct... who will be the one to tell me, " Ernest, let's write this together....." The idea of imagining me picking up the pen and writing yet a new "story" is kinda difficult.... I don't wish to be able to predict the outcome of the chapters, i want to have something out of what i can think of..... something really special and sweet which have already occurred to me over here........ but you know, things doesn't always happen the way u want it to...... but i am contented with what comes my way.... if our path must, will or should cross, i will take the opportunity to start "writing" the pre-love story chapters..... the very beginning......

Quote of the day.....

Pictures are not a measure of someone's beautifulness but a measure of the importance of that memory captured in time...... to be remembered...

My hobbies....

I love to sing and the idea of me singing is to communicate my feelings towards a situation, a position that i am in and to someone.... perhaps that's the reason why i love old songs more than new ones..... I don't really have a fantastic voice though hahaha

This song that i am putting here is for my mum..... she may not understand but i know she do know about this.......



Out of tune here and there, i just sing when looking at the lyrics and trying to remember the tune of the song....

How i grew to love astronomy was due to a secondary school friend who told me about Orion.... And apparently i started looking out for information on Orion and subsequently, all the astrophysical concepts of that comes in. Since then, i always wanted to get a telescope and i bought it when i was in Brissie for studies. Here it is, my best companion, Astromaster 70...


This friend of mine is capable of showing me Jupiter and its moons. And also Venus. The surface of the moon and of cause, many many stars grouped together like a globular cluster. I feel a step closer to what i always wanted to be, an astronomer.

During my secondary school days, i did my own studies on astronomy apart from my other subjects that i told. For 2 years, i am more attracted to this than anything else :)

With so much problems back at home, i feel lost and still have to pretend like everything is fine and well infront of my housemates. How bad can this be? I am always in a world of my own, thinking thinking and thinking......about what? Everything but myself...... been really selfish to myself, i am sorry but that's just me :)

Taking every steps like it's always a challenge...... taking every breathe like it will be my last...... in times of need, i do see some friends reaching out to me, i thank them deep from my heart.....

When you think life sucks for you, perhaps u might want to think again..........

Quote of the night.....

Life goes on even when the world is coming to an end..... doesn't make sense? Think through it.......

New image??

Got a hair cut at Central, bought a few clothes and you bet, it is singlets hahaha. This is my new hair and perhaps a darker skin color if it is noticeable hahaha

Went for a tan this morning and Hell yeah it feels good to be in the SUN!! Love it! My hair kinda attracted a lot of attention in town, perhaps many will wonder if i am a butch or a guy hahaha. Well, i hope a new hair cut will bring me a new beginning in life, i feel good without the fringe battling my eyes.

Quote of the night...

Under the shines of the eternal flare
May all sorrows of the shadows dissipates
In the beam of the white goddess at night
May all moments of light be etched in memories......

The word "Believe"

I am someone who believe in things, who believe things happen for a good cause and for the bad as well, who believe that we can always bring ourselves further ahead than where we are at now, who believe life in all sorts of materials, living or non - living....... I always believe in everything and anything...... But knowing the nature of "love", i can't believe in creating a love story, it's not just about believing but it's about both the people believing in it together. No point having one person believing that it will work out while the other don't........

So i was pondering over these for the past few days or perhaps weeks..... Thinking about what love exactly means to me......... what is it in "love" that gets my mind going on and on like it never did stop thinking about it when i first met with it......what exactly is the significance of love, other than those that we THINK it is....... So i was all in a messed up state and i start downloading oldies like, "What a Wonderful World" by Michael Buble and "Believe" by Cher.

The word "Believe" didn't really came to me at that very instant because all else i believe in but not love, there are still many unanswered questions to it in me that i want to find out and discover about. I always tell people, just believe in things will work out fine and all sort of "Believe" filled sentences but never did i thought that it actually SHOULD be applicable to me as well.

so the very next day, i came back from school..... as usual, walking aimlessly and listening to my ipod, playing love songs. And when i was about to hit the lift button, there i saw a band and as i looked closely at it..... a silver plate with the word "Believe" curved on it....... and i was smiling and giggling at myself...... "Why didn't i think of that? " "Really dumb Ernest!!" ......... so i bring the band with me where ever i go...... here is the band....

What are the chance of it? Perhaps many will think in a more superstitious way but i don't feel so........ it does connect somehow...... i hope the word "Believe" doesn't just resonates in me but in everyone i know....... "Believing" is a very powerful action, perhaps that's only to me..... and of cause, we can't just sit on the sofa believing things here and there, hoping all will turn out good and smooth......When you believe and you put in effort while setting yourself a goal, the outcome is self-satisfaction......which is really hard to come by, that's what i feel.

Maybe it all sounds crap and like there isn't a link or it's just a coincidence etc but somehow to me, it tells me a message, just like all my dreams had told me and they happened........

Quote of the night......

Life is short by years
Slow by months
Still by days
Endless by hours
Speedy by seconds

Nothing beats living every second like the next hour never comes, living every day like there isn't a calender that tells the month and living every year to the fullest by spending every day of the 365 days given to us each year...... to be happy and to feel blessed........

Is it love or something else.....

Hmmmm, just came back from the Brisbane River again...... Was playing the swings and our butts were apparently to BIG to fit into the children sized seats. Then we played with the see-saw....i was being "trapped" at a height and we were having some fun over there. And the most romantic part is after the thrills....... A hug and hearing the heavy breathes of each other in the silence..... My dream of walking in the park holding each other's waist....... cold night yet so much warmth......i don't think it's love although it seemed like it is but i feel comfortable that's all. Everything seems surreal and when you are back home, you will think, "what just happened?" Like as if you were dreaming.....

I can imagine the years ahead..... 2 years before "expiry"....... I believe this 2 years will be well spent not on a 24/7 basis but once in a blue moon.... that's i guess how sweet memories remain as sweet as the very first time we met......... The idea of being single.... what are the benefits and the down sides of it? I don't know but i feel that being single, u are honest with your own feelings, u tend not to "cheat" on yourself too much.... maybe i am wrong but somehow it more or less "lingers" around that idea.

2 relationships, 4 years of effort, 4 years of dreams, 4 years of wishes and 4 years of pain..... what were the outcomes of writing that part of my story? To have people toying with your feelings and thinking that you are stupid.

The best scenarios that i have ever wanted came true with someone whom i considered a "gift", who proved to me that," Ernest, these people that you have always wanted to have, do exist..."
A friend but not yet a lover, perhaps it wouldn't be...... challenged by the places of origin we came from..... But somehow i will remember those times we had together because i know, unless you "suggest" it, it will never occur to you.....

Quote of the night.....

There you are.....

I look into your eyes,
with our foreheads touching each other.
Letting out light breathes,
Hearing the slow beats of our hearts.
As I looked away from your mesmerizing eyes,
You held my chin and left an eternal kiss on my lips....
Till the last moment of parting yet again,
A last kiss for the day i left on your lips.
Till the next time we meet, will it last till then.......

Days of my life....

Hey, how is it going??? Hope all are fine and well for you guys back in Singapore. Here's a glimpse of what i had been up to recently :)

Rendang curry chicken seafood mix with vege!! Here's the ingredient. And after the process of cooking, here's what we had. TADA!!

REALLY TASTY!! I will want to cook for THAT person someday but i don't think spicy food attracts THAT person..... perhaps in my dream i guess :)

And here's another dish for another day, i had this to my own self!! HOT AND SPICY!! I love it when i sweat all over eating that!!

Can't stop being a CAMWHORE!! haha, well after dinner, it's always a routine for me to hit the gym for an hour or so. Gym has since became my second home :) Monitoring my progress but still as small size though haha and here's a glimpse of what's underneath the singlet....

hahahahahahahahaha how is that? Well not many people knew about my profile, i guess it should be alright :x hahahahah train and train and train and train!!!

Back to what's up in my mind. Been really busy with school homeworks. Reports after reports and tests as well. One by one, as the day passed by, they are cleared away from my sight. Did rather badly for one of the subject i am taking but an inspirational speech by the course coordinator pushed me on and got me thinking, perhaps i did not work hard enough and yes i did not but not anymore!!!! JIAYOU!!!

Hmmmmm...... there were certain "things" that were not abled to occur due to the nature of working in the business sector over here in Aussie. Apparently, 24/7, it's all about work and till late hours. I hope i can still "experience" that romantic scene again and well time is the factor..... A simple message of "i have been thinking of you today" brightened my night. Although it's just for today, i believe that's how sweet things remain sweet. It's like saying "i love you" everyday, somehow it causes that phrase to loss its significance........... but deep down inside, i yearn for the day to see you again......

Quote of the night......

In our life, what we see are always the postive side of it, be don't see the negative side of it just so to hope for the best in what we do and what we see. Have you ever thought that having the image or thoughts of the negative side of life can bring you the beauty of life as well?? Life ain't always about being optimistic but pessimistic as well because it prepares us for the worst and that we don't fall badly to ground zero when things didn't work out to our expectations, with a optimistic mind. Being pessimistic is just like seeing yourself at ground zero and imagining the consequences of that to your emotional states....... that's how i see most of the things in my life......well different people have different ways of handling the ups and downs in life, but if one doesn't work, why not try other ways of looking at it :)

Walking through time....

Let's go through some pictures (I think i am the only one visiting my blog hahaha)

How's that? It's really tasty, we called it the Sambal Chicken Prawn Platter haha, i want to cook this for someone, the RIGHT one......

Another meal for another day, i made the Chicken Breast Simmered in Teriyaki Sause on the left of the picture. Very very tasty and again, i will want to cook this meal with the RIGHT one... haha
Hmmm, my all time FAVORITE Aussie fast food, FOOT LONG SUBWAY MEATBALL!!! *Applause* okie that's lame. Anyway, look at how nicely it was prepared? Done by a guy :) Nice and tasty!!
Nothing much, just thought this was cute haha :) and i love MILK!!

After taking dinner, i will always head for the gym. PUMP IT UP!! And this is what i will become after spending 30 to 45 minutes in the GYM!! :) This was a few days ago.

Hahahaha, camwhore!! Monitoring my progress :P.... What a way to say it haha. This was a few days ago but the days after the first one that was taken haha a bit of tongue twisting over here haha.

This was taken today :P hahaha. Same settings, always in the lift.

In the morning it doesn't seems like it mean anything. But when the night comes.... this is what you get...

We get 2 lighted hearts, one small and one big hahaha, sweet isn't it :)

A surprise yesterday..... an egg with 2 yolks, a TWIN chick embryo.... what are the chance of it?

Today is again, a very special day for me..... the same dream re-occurred to me and in a different setting..... Along the Brisbane River, is a Park, under the myriad of stars and the full moon hanging near the horizon...... a hug, a kiss and a word of, "I hasn't seen you for so long"........ :)

Quote of the night......

Life is like a Bus-stop, some times it is crowded and some times without a soul. Understanding that life isn't always at its peak, there are times when we experience the "thrill" and "worries" as the roller coaster plunge from its peak. We all have our fair shares of experiences and problems, some worst and some rather copable..... the more we should know, we are always under the influence of the nature of life.......all but a phrase that vaguely advices a person, "Take it easy"....

Take care of me?

Do you know, the best way to take care of me is to not lie to me..... just be genuine and with no motives under the sleeves of yours. Nowadays, it's really hard for me to trust people, it's just like when you first bought a set of monopoly, assuming the game is new to you. Would you know how to start playing it without first reading the guide? What i am trying to imply here is, when you first see a person, someone whom you have never met before. Would you say,"i want to take care of you"? It sounds like there is a motive behind it. Who would believe that?

Here in Brissie, love in a foreign land. Controlling my feelings from pouring out but yet i feel nothing but comfort from your messages.... i thank you for that. You are just like an angel sent from above to ease the pain of loneliness in me and in you i saw the same feeling i felt as well..... :)

Quote of the night....

Somethings are worth waiting and anticipating for. The lesser you think about it, the more likely it will occur to you. Simply because the more you think about it, the more likely it will become but just a dream....... just like wishes... how often did your wishes come true? And how often does the things that you spent little or no time thinking about, come true?? Think about it.....

The feel of nothing....or so it seems?

Seems like i am becoming a changed person..... I feel really weird these few days. Less emotional? Or perhaps, a wish have came true for me 2 weeks ago..... and seriously, nothing beats that so far..... Well, i guess this is life. Everything seems surreal and uncanny.... went for a LONG jog in the evening searching for that place but i just couldn't find it. Like it has magically "disappeared" and in fact i was lost......but i still do know how to track back home. I am still thinking about and feeling that moment in time.......i miss you....

Quote of the night...

Love is like a pair of dumb bells, we wouldn't know how heavy they are until we hold them up. When we learn how to lift them, there may be a point of time when we know we can't hold them any longer, that's when we learn to let it go in a proper manner, without spoiling the dumb bells.......

Ernest

Envy....

I wish one day i will be able to talk about LV, PRADA, GUCCI and many other branded stuff. Perhaps the most branded thing that i ever got for myself just last year, was a PORTER pouch. Second most branded is an APPLE IPOD. Hahaha, when i hear my housemates talking about buying LV stuff here in Australia, i was thinking to myself, i am all about NUM, GIORDANO, BALENO and TOPMAN while they are all about FRED PARY, LV, ESPRIT, RIP CURL and all brands that you can think of. Haha perhaps the most precious thing that i have ever gotten for myself is a CELESTRON ASTROMASTER TELESCOPE which was at a sales price of 200 AUD.

So, if you ever want a rich friend who give materials during your birthday, don't find me, because i am still drawing birthday cards, fold paper stars and paper cranes..... they never cost more than 5 bucks....... i am still picking seashells and saga seeds, faggot i know but to me, that's my style of showing sincerity.......

Quote of the night.......

Bu zai hu tian chang di jiu, Zhi zai hu cheng jin yong you........ which is so very true for me, i hate to say that phrase, but i feel happier when i incorporate that into myself........... :) <--------- a false smile haahaa

Or perhaps just for a day....

When one person is drunk, every vision of his/her will be in perfection.... how's that? Anyway, reports after reports after reports piling up. Going to "kill" them one by one.

I will remember the day, 26th of august 2009, just that day. Perhaps the sweetest moment i felt and it was like i was dreaming...... or maybe a dream come true? I don't know. Neither for a season nor for life, but just for a day........

Got to get down to doing my reports, will see you guys soon or perhaps i am just talking to myself :)

Quote of the day....
Footprints are like memories. Where we walk, we leave our footprints, seen or unseen. The thing about memories is we can always return to where we left our "footprints" and feel yet again the same feelings felt as we set our foot on, the very first time. But sometimes, or perhaps most of the times, we return alone to where our footprints were left, feeling depressed...... But there is one place that you will never be alone, that's our home......where millions and millions of our footprints were left on the floor since the very first time we learn how to crawl......

For a season or for life??

I don't know what to say but i feel really weird about this..... i hope this is just a simple journey ahead, no complications and no hurdles. Seriously speechless, but i will let the "film" roll on its own and decide how everything will be like........

Quote of the night....

Try things out before passing comments or assumptions because most of the time, your guesses are completely wrong.

Losing it.....

I don't know but i have this feeling that i am losing myself to the "battle".... I am trying very hard to put up with all the emotional surges within me but i just couldn't hold it any longer. Everyday walking alive is like taking a bullet for each step i take..... sigh..... for how long will i stay this way, i really don't know. Just so much to worry about and things are not smooth at this part of my journey. I can just jump off the window next to my bed but someone is holding me back in my mind.....

Quote of the night.....

For the one you love, you will give your life away.....

The endless night..

Just you - By Ernest

Here i am in the room of despair,
Facing the sky of coruscating stars through the window.
I reach out to the shadows,
And nothing seems to be there.
I screamed my lungs out,
Hearing nothing but my fading echos.
I stared into the endless night,
Seeing nothing but my emotions.
With the hopes i held close to my heart,
every sun rise i see the light.
As i lay out my soul,
I see tears flowing out of my shimmering eyes.
In no one but you i feel the love,
For years to come i will stay right where i will always be,
By your heart...........


Quote of the night.......

The only happiness comes from yourself, make your choice....

Containing it......

Now in my room stoning away. Had a game of Command and Conquer Generals, boring i know but there are really nothing much to do over here. Perhaps that is why i kept thinking and missing someone, nothing serve as a distraction but having nothing to do just kept my mind busy thinking of someone. Couldn't help but yeah.

Taken in the lift to my unit. I like my hair the way it was in the picture.


How do i look? haha. The laboratory practicals have started, getting busier and busier with school works.

It feels terrible having to pretend to be happy when deep inside you are in a mess. Every time i try to smile at my friends, i do feel a sharp pain in me. Will i be able to smile and laugh truefully again? The nights are getting darker than usual.......

Quote of the night...

In life we always expect things to happen the way we want it to be. And so very often that it always happen in the unexpected manner. We will always question ourselves, why did it not happen the way we want it to? Instead of blaming the whole world, why don't we take a look at it in a different perspective. Just imagine, if everything were to happen the way you want it to, how would you feel? Let's say examinations, everyone wants to Ace the examinations and all got what they wanted. There will be NO failures at all. From this, we wouldn't know who are the elite people and who aren't. And we wouldn't hear stories of people who have failed before and became someone famous. Everyone will start to take things for granted because what they expected to have, they will have it so long as they want it. Through these unexpected events, we learn to be someone better and we learn to pick up virtues and characters along the way. If we didn't "fall" before, do you think we can be at where we are now? Something to think about.... without the wind, there will be no waves.... Many things in life needs to work in cohesion to see an effect...... it includes not just among people, but you yourself.... your moral values and characters.....

Holding on....

Many things happen for a reason, some are good and some are bad.... We don't know for sure the reliability of the reasons but i am sure that this time, it has gone from bad to worst. I am so lost right now, from an issue with love to an issue with my emotions and to the issue of a family crisis, all still on-going in me. I really don't know how long i can hold on in the midst of a thunder storm. I wonder how is it like to seek shelters under bridges, seek warmth from soil and seek water from sea...... I guess the army has taught me well on some survival tips. Waiting for the worst to come, seriously i am perplexed.

If only at any point of the night, i slipped into eternal repose....... i just want to say, be contented with what you already have because somewhere out there or even someone close to you may not have what you possessed. Some couldn't even ask for enough, what's more to asking for more? Most importantly, love your family more than you love anybody else, trust me, when troubles come to you, the first in the front line of the battle is always your family...... Think about it, when you are struggling with certain issues, who do you talk to? Friends are always the one that we seek for advices. This is the reason why we always thought that our family neglect us, it's simply because we fail to communicate our feelings to them. Reason being we can't seems to tell them our problems. Some kind of a barrier? I don't know.

When you find someone you love and who loves you, never let lose the opportunity, because you will never know when will be the next genuine love coming along........ For those who are still in school, study hard and draw inspirations from anything you feel a connection with, it could be a person or a dream. Motivate yourself and psych yourself up for the coming future and BELIEVE in yourself that you CAN do it. It's whether you WANT it or you don't.

For those who are in the working society, knowing that different job scope demands different responsibilities from us so never compare. Work not for the sake of money, but work for the sake of interest and your personal well being. You will be happier this way.

For those who are struggling with life in general, always remember you are not alone. We all know that a storm will never last forever but we aren't sure when it will subside either. Some times we wonder why must it happen to me, why not others? This is probably the fate and destiny of our life, i don't know. But we should be positive, through these hurdles and harsh conditions we are being put in, if we survive it, we will become a better and a stronger person. We WILL survive all that comes head on with us and things that does not kill you, makes you stronger.......

My advices do not work on me, sad to say but yeah somehow it doesn't have an effect on me. I do try to incorporate my own advices only if i think i am falling apart.

I am so very sorry..........my emotions are tearing me apart...........really really painful......

Quote of the night.....

Death is a boundary between 2 lifetime.....

The words from within....

A family photo....... Taken a few months before i flew over to Brisbane for studies. Looking at it always make me tear..... A moment of joy captured in time. The three closest family i would say, through tough times, through happiness and we are still here together stronger as ever. Have you ever look through your photo albums with family photos? What do you feel from it?

I am really scare to lose anyone close to my heart........ i have lost 2 loved ones when i was primary 2 and 3. Toughest time to get through. I managed to pull myself together but till now when i look into the night sky, i will think of them and tear silently. That is the reason why i hope i will depart this world before anyone does...... so i will watch over them from above :), this is me...... I know people would say, "what about them?" "They will be very sad to have you leave them too" i have thought through all these but still to me, i just hate to see people dying one by one in my very existence...... One thing for sure, for as long as i am still alive, i will make life as wonderful for all of them as possible.....this is my promise to them.........

Quote of the night.....

Crying in the day, the tears will deny you beautiful stars at night....... *whisper* "that is why i cry at night along with the stars :)"

Is the beaker half full or half empty? It doesn't mean that the one that sounds more appropriate is always correct, it's always good to have different perspectives in life which would make life so much wonderful to be in.....

The ability to touch has reach its limit but the ability to love will continue for as long as the existence of the universe......

State of unrest..

No pictures for today, don't think it's the right time. A lot have since happened to me when i was back in Singapore for the semester break and until now it's still happening. Some times i really wonder, what is it that people actually sees in me? Am i showing too much of my inner self or was it just purely the out-look that i have shown to people? What makes people think that this person is a good chap? What is the TRUE first impression that i have given to people? Can you tell how wonderful a person is by just looking through his/her pictures in Facebook? Or the things that the person could have posted in the wall of Facebook?

I myself don't even know my inner-self. I am so confused right now as to who i am truefully. I noticed so much of my unusual self lately that i am scared that i will turn into someone else. But as long as the flame in my heart still burns, i am still myself. For how long it will sustain, i don't have a clue.

People comment on what they see but fail to comprehend what they see. They fail to understand further on what's in-front of them. Passing comments here and there like as if they hit right on the dot when in fact they were far from being correct.

I am becoming skeptical about people's words. More than usual. Do you choose someone who loves you more than you love him/her or do you choose someone whom you love more than he/she loves you? Are we even suppose to measure the magnitude of love? Sadly in this generation of ours, love have since became "measurable"......when you tell someone you love him/her a lot and the reply is i can't love you more, this is a measurement of love. Always remember, it's not about how much you can give but how much you are WILLING to give. Some give more and some give less, but both are still a form of GIVING. We learn to give and take. The greatness of love comes when one give 20% while the other give 90% and yet they still love each other. There shouldn't be a point where one would say, "i should give 90% back to you because you gave 90% to me".....doesn't it sound like i don't owe you anything. This doesn't sound like love to me, it seems more like a form of return GRATITUDE, returning a favor kind of thing. Saying "i love you" to me will lock my heart just so only you are inside..... that's how powerful the 3 simple words can do to me......

Quote of the night.

Lost in the shadow of darkness, you don't see a light. Search from within, your flame of passion. Eventually you will know where you will be heading towards.

A glimpse of Kindness

This afternoon after the end of Physics laboratory activities, i boarded a bus and this guy who was sitting in front of me caught my attention. Not because of the way he was dressed.

There was this fellow schoolmate sitting beside him, she was with her friend. The bus was crowded and both of them were separated. This guy here actually offered to let his seat off to her friend so that they could be together. She said don't worry about it.

That girl was an Asian, to imply that there wasn't any form of biasness over here, if you know what i mean.

At first glance, perhaps people would be "amused" by the way he was dressed. To me, we are the same. Never judge a book by its cover..... These small act of kindness attracted me more than the way he was dressed. Do you think when you are in this situation, you would offer your seat away just so that two friends can be together? I don't think so. I know to many it's nothing big deal about it, but does it occur frequently or once in a blue moon? Something to think about. It's not how beautiful you are but how beautiful you are within.

This was my lunch, Chicken Teriyaki Don. Delicious but not the best. 6.50 AUD


I am still feeling emotional, can hardly breathe. But i believe soon it will be over....

Quote of the night from me, with pictures of course.

In life, some times we get what we want and some times we don't. Many times it's because we don't wish to go that extra mile to gain the full benefits of the journey. With that extra mile comes extra efforts and challenging tasks, experiencing the rain under shines of the sun, look what we have up there? The rainbow..... Pushing yourself through that extra mile, we get something that we don't see at all. It can be anything but definitely there are more than what we can get out of it, just like the pot of gold at the rainbow's end in myth........

That's about it and "every breath i take, is for you....."

Walking the path alone....

Hi, a very good morning to Singapore friends and a very good afternoon to Aussie friends. Anyway, here is what i had for yesterday's meals.

Here's my brekky, cereal together with milk and chocolate protein drink. Just imagine......

Lunch at Hungry Jack, in Singapore we call it Burger King. This is a large Double Whopper Meal, fries quantity is pathetic. I call this picture, Jack and the Physics Textbook. Alone "stranded" in Indooroopilly shopping centre munching away my meal n there goes 8.95 AUD into my stomach.

As for dinner, my friends and i decided to make Laksa. Oh man you got to see this and even try it out, it's delicious!

It looks a bit "extra-terrestrial", what a word. But trust me it's really tasty. This is the cooking process and TAAAAAADAAAAAA!

Laksa finished with a Strawberry in the heart of 3. Freaking delicious! Ingredients used were mixed seafood with mussels, squid, prawns and fish together with shredded chicken breast meat. This cost about 4.00 AUD per bowl.

The reddy came from this,

Doesn't they look sweet? They can brighten your day by just looking at it but not my day. It takes more than just these to brighten my always shrouded world.


Just like any other day, taking the bus to school. Sitting at the back listening to my ipod with the same ballads playing over and over again.

My heart is just like this bus, only a few people are in it. It's never always crowded because i believe that only special people truely resides within your heart. The lesser people there are, the less likely you will forget the people.

The sun shines with so much radiance but still my world is dark.


That's me, feeling emotional, every single day in my life. The same usual clothes i always wear to school, i call that my school uniform. Cool isn't it? Right......

So much was going on in my mind as i mouth the lyrics of the songs. I wished i wasn't like that.

How about a picture after school, in front of the mirror. There you go










I looked really empty in front of myself. And it looks like i
have a tummy :).
















And i forgot, the very first moment of the day, waking up :)
haha, i think i looked like a girl. Oh god..... btw that's "Orh Jiao", my bed birdie (buddy)...








To end this, quote of the moment from me..... with a picture

There are times the sun rules the sky, there are also times it doesn't. But the sun never gave up on giving light to earth. In life, there are times we rise like a star and there are times we fall like a shooting star, we can't be sure about what's installed for us in the future, but we are sure that our present actions may determine our path straight ahead of us. Never be complacent and never give up on hope...... have faith in yourself as well as in others......

And again, your presence rises with the stars.......

First of All...

There isn't any lectures for me today, here i am in the Interactive Learning Center a.k.a ILC using the computer to do up my blog.

Where should i start? I can only show you what had happened before and i will narrate as closely to the actual situations back then along with pictures to support my "claim". What for? Reasons unclear....

This is me in No.2 uniform, taken a few days after commissioning as an officer of the Singapore Armed Forces. In case you wonder was this taken in a studio? Nope, it was taken in my mother's room. (notice the bed-frame? haha)


A closer look at the sword....


Embedded on the Sword is my full name and the vocation that i was trained in back in 2007. There isn't much to talk about on it, most of the "adventures" happened during the course of training as an Alpha cadet and an Armour cadet.

This Sword has the rank, the name and the vocation, but it does not bear the tough times our section, our platoon and our company had been through.

I will always remember how it was like back then. Those were the days....

I guess this is a good start in trying out the features of blogspot. That's all folks, take care and stay happy always.

The very first Touch...

This is my very first electronic blog, most of the time i pen my feelings down on diaries because i don't "understand" the computer well enough to do "magic".

What leads me here is perhaps wanting myself to be heard out there, or perhaps to attract attentions, or perhaps to try out on this cool stuff (when it's like here for so long -.-""), or perhaps to dump my memories into the cyber space, or just simply because..... i will keep quiet for now.

Now in a foreign land, to achieve the goals of my purpose here in Brisbane was always thought to be an impossible dream. But it happened, probably not on the right time or it shouldn't even be the case. Now that this "accident" has happened, i can't do anything but to walk this lonely path, as it has always been for me.

This is the beginning of my second semester over here in University of Queensland, was back in Singapore for a month school holiday and things weren't as fulfilling as i thought it would be when on-board the plane destinated for Singapore Changi Airport on the 21st of June 2009. Just when you thought you are back to your hometown, it was actually the very beginning of your worst nightmare, perhaps it isn't the worst but as far as i am concern, it was.

I will "colorize" the out-lined picture just so that my life ain't as vague as the titles of storybooks.

What's the true purpose of blogging at this present stage of our life? Some people blog to impress, some blog just like keeping diaries, some blog to advertise certain product, some blog to kill time and many more. My very true reason of blogging is hoping that someone out there would hear me, who understand the position i am in at this very present moment of my life and far into the future as well, who would actually read "wordy" blogs rather then being pictures orientated. Although picture speaks of a thousand words, how true is that? But to sparks some interest, picures will be uploaded.

For now, that's all folks and with someone constantly in mind, i would end this very first blog with," your presence appears with the stars."