Walking on this endless road....

When i think back into the past, thought of how i used to be in Primary school. Quiet and often bullied by schoolmates around me. I was even bullied by my form teacher and i still remembered her name up till now. Apart from these ordeals (none generated any phobias in me), i do also got to know many nice primary school teachers and i still remember their names. Mrs Paula Tan used to be my mathematics teacher who did simple calculation on the board with funny sounds and gesture. Mrs Ong used to be my art teacher who brought me out of the classroom and scolded me (not loudly but softly) for using vulgarities freely in class. Mr Calvin Tay used to be my Primary 4 form teacher and also my physical education teacher as well. A very nice guy but can be fierce at times and his signature looks like an illustrative drawing of a bird (if u know what i mean, think juvenile). Ms Koh Gek Kiang used to be my Chinese teacher who left the school when i was in Primary 5, she left a very deep impression on me and the last day of her teaching career, she played the song "guan huai fang shi" on recorder for a few of us to listen. I saw tears in her eyes and likewise, me too. I know where she stayed but not sure if she has moved. Ms Siti Zhubaida used to be my English teacher, very soft-spoken person and extremely friendly. Mrs Yeo used to be my music teacher, she is fierce but we all liked her because she treats us really nice. Mdm Yong also used to be my music teacher, a rather old lady but very approachable. Mrs Nair used to be my science teacher who is by far, the best teacher i have met in Primary school. She invited us to her house in Yio Chu Kang, a bungalow and i was amazed by that humongous living room she had. That was also the first time i knew of the existence of that kind of house. During my Primary school days, i don't like to study at all and i hate morning classes. The only happy moments in school were buying malay food from the canteen, nuggets, chicken kebah and chicken platter. My favorite food in school. Block catching was my "school-hood" fun and going to my friend house, Jasrie, who stayed at block 793 in Yishun, used his computer and played games like Titanic. It seems all carefree but who would have expected that my life back then wasn't as simple as what other kids life were like....... In that period of time, i lost my grandfather and uncle..........in Primary 2 and Primary 3 respectively.....

Secondary school days were by far, the period when i learned alot of things about life by observing people and things around me. Groomed by many teachers because of my sister's notorious existence in school hahaha. I was the only student to ever have 5 CCAs in school and did well for my O levels (seemed like a dream that i really did not expect at all). Simple CCAs but you would see me carrying different items, in different outfits and running around the school during certain occasions. Photography, Leo club, Ex-co in prefectorial board, Choir and Northwest CDC junior counselor. The only day when i can go home right after school was monday and all the other days i could only leave at 5pm due to these commitments i had back then. I remembered all my teachers back then and till now i still occasionally head back to pay them a visit. As usual, i would hang out with my friends and play games at their place. I failed my first semester exam because i failed my English subject (in the past, if u fail English, u fail everything). I was disheartened but i worked hard from then onwards and my ranking moves up from the second semester all the way till the end. I have gotten bursary award for my first year and subsequently, scholarship award for the rest of the academic period. I was happy because i could have savings as emergency usage for my mother. I have never spent the money on clothes or necessities but all given to my mother. Perhaps that explains why i looked unappealing at all in those days. My life has always been 10 steps behind the usual people around me. When people are using handphones (those latest models), i am still using phonecards. Those were the kind of life i was in before but of course, nothing to complain about given that kind of a situation my family was in. O levels results were really shocking to me. I really did not expect i would do that well back then. I was dubbed the dark horse for that cohort. Someone quiet and silent who might turn out to be the shining star. True enough hahaha I noted jealously from a few of my friends when my name was announced in the hall as being one of the top scholar in that cohort. But that's alright.

No matter how tough life has been, time will still pass by and no matter how much you have suffered in the past, there is no such thing as "endless suffering"....... there will be one day when all will come to a stop and things will turn around...... it applies to enjoyment as well. When i looked back into my past, it all seems to have happened and ended yesterday all at once...... sometimes i do feel that i have not spent my days in the past wisely (referring to pri and sec school days) but it doesn't matter so long as you are living your life to the fullest from the moment you know that you don't want to regret about anything in life at all......

Quote of the night.....

It is all in the past but still deep-rooted in my memory that time will never be able to take it away from me.....

I though maybe perhaps...

Have this sudden urge of wanting to blog. It's already October 7th and in exactly 1 month will be the commencement of my exams, how exciting! Feeling really lethargic and really tired these few days, i wonder why. I hasn't smoked for a week already hahaha, kinda like an accomplishment :P

I have been thinking A LOT in these few months over here. Thinking about the future, the present and on love, family, career, friends, close friends, life and strangers...... So much questions accumulating in me and i really hope 1 day i could answer them thoroughly. It's not about telling others what's always on your mind would solve problems, different people have different approach to solving a problem. So i did rather find that solution by myself, things are always complicated by having more people knowing what the problems are (although not always).

Can't wait to return back to Singapore....... there are so many things i want to do when i go back and i hope i wouldn't be restricted in anyways although i know i am restricted by time from Mon to Fri..... but still i have got the night to live with.....

As humans, we all love to complain about others, criticize and judge other people without taking a closer look at themselves before passing nonsensical remarks on certain situation. When thing goes wrong, how can you be so sure that you are not the "aetiological agent" but others?

I have had enough people telling me how tough their life have been (not referring to anyone who have access to my blog), how terrible this guy is to her etc etc etc. hahaha, i wish i can complain about everything that i am not satisfied with hahahaha but most of the time i don't, i just solve them bit by bit and make myself satisfied with what the outcome of my solution is. It is alright if you complain and do something about it but it is damn annoying if you don't do anything at all.

I love the word "Karma"....... hahaha i can see this happening to quite a number of people around me. To harm others in any sense, be it in physical, emotional or psychological aspects, you put yourself at risk of getting the same thing happening to you in greater magnitude of effect....

I have been dreaming alot when sleeping. I remembered all my dreams and many were repetitive. At least there is still some "place" that i can let loose of everything that's bothering me and not care about them at all hahaha

Quote of the night....

It is important to be yourself, if you don't, what's the point of calling yourself "myself" when there is no one unique you?

Racing with time....

It's October already and my very first post for the month. How's everything back in Singapore? A couple of important people had passed away and may their souls rest in peace....

Examinations are around the corner and here i am still hanging around FB and tapping on the buttons on my PSP.... 2 exam papers and i am done for the whole academic years! Kudos! It has been less stressful for than before and perhaps some might know why :). Things change and people change, there are so much influences around us..... as much as i have hanged around FB may seems to be seen as a distraction but it is going to distract from smoking hahaha, my cigarettes are done and i am not smoking anymore :)

I have also turned vegetarian, not exactly a full-fledged one but i have not eaten meat for many weeks already. Thanks to you, not doing this for you but for myself etc, you know what i mean.

Have already started packing my stuff even though the exam is 5 weeks from now. I can't wait to enjoy that LONG holidays although i have got "something" on hahaha. Nothing beats the swimming pool and the sun back in Singapore! :)

Doing my revisions and memorizing all the taxonomic names of the species of parasites really stress me out hahaha but i love how it screws my brain and squeeze every bit of my brain juice out.... hahahaha (sicko!)

Looks like there are alot of things to do when i get back............. should i get an iPhone? I am JEALOUS of the iphone-ers!!! hahahahah :P

Quote of the night....

Being positive in everything you do propels you further than you can ever imagine.....