Hanging between 2 dimensions....

When i was young, i am inspired to be good in English, because my English was really bad when i was in primary and secondary school. I am always very attracted to the western culture, their degree of openness and mindset.

Now that i am here in Brissie, i feel that i have fallen in love with this place and at the same time, being an A**H**E, i love Singapore too. What a word to describe myself :P

I can't explain the emotions i have right now, thinking that i am leaving here, for Singapore, i have this " i can't bear to leave" feelings in me. Although alot, ALOT of things had happened for this semester, it is by far, the most dramatic experience than the last semester. But of course, i am happy :)

The impossibles have happened and i was kinda shocked. I always thought that those kind of "events" wouldn't occur to me, but it did and it actually brought me away from the idea that that's all just a fairytale event or only in the movies, you will get to see it happening......

A lot of things have happened and some times, no matter how hard i try to explain my emotions and thoughts, it doesn't seems to make a lot of sense to people around me. But trust me, i ain't trying to avoid an existing problem, i am trying to tell the truth about my feelings and i am communicating with my emotions and at the same time, making the best choice out of the limited choices i have.

I always believe in love, that's how it will always be......... but perhaps at times, priorities in our life do change based on different situations. It doesn't mean that in love, it's always about 24/7, the idea of mature love didn't come to me until i am here...... i learn that the idea of control is not the best way to keep someone yours. In a mature love relationship, even without the need to lay out the rules, we should know it clearly that what are the various things that when done, will "disturb" the promised bond between 2 person. Even without the need to text everyday, both knows that each other is safe and still love you.......

From my friend, Kristine's point of view in her love, is freedom with self made restraints on certain actions. She told me how devastated she is in her relationship and i feel her. A very nice and sweet girl, if i were the guy, i would give my all to her......... somehow, her idea of love and mine seems to "ride" on the same basis of "maturity"........

As for me, when love comes, it doesn't always mean it will be the right one and it doesn't always mean if i miss this, it might not come anymore. Would you rather try something that will work for a long period of time, with deep understandings or rush into something and hoping that it will turn out well....... I have done that and never will i do that again........not that i have lost confidence in love or in people, it's just that i am fighting against this "writer's block" in me.....

Quote of the night.....

The only thing powerful enough to demoralize oneself is you, yourself.......

The Dirt Path of Sorrows....

Hmmmm, it's night time and i am still up? Sounds illogical.... But anyway, lately it has been bothering me a lot, the sounds of discontentment from people gets me really upset somehow. Not because i don't have the chance to be able to feel discontented about life, simply because i am contented with what i have. From these people, i feel that sometimes it is really good to think out of your personal well-being, the well-being of others as well. It doesn't have to be me, but at least to your parents, people whom you think deserve your few seconds of thoughts......

Sometimes when i feel that i am losing myself, i hide in the toilet and sing, to at least make me feel a little better before continuing with my life over here. I have no one that i can confide to but i have friends in Singapore whom i can, through MSN but most of my sorrows were written in the diary i have right beside my bed. A diary where i "dump" my thoughts in before i go to bed, if i feel they are too much to handle.

I see friends falling out on each other. Some times, we know it ourselves, at certain point of time in our friendship, we happen to bump into certain aspects of an idea that we couldn't come to an agreement with, that's when the tension gets a little intense. Back-stabbing is an atrocious thing to do, why do it? What do you get out of it? It is so common that people tend to put words in each other mouth and make it convincely real but then again, why do it? What's your motive of doing it? All these have to stop, what is the difference between you and an enemy?

We all have our fair shares of incidents, accidents, unfortunate events, pain and etc, some people grow from them, some dwell in them and some just never learn. Different people have different capacity of accepting facts and some have different ways of managing them. There is no right or wrong ways but there are actually best solutions. We humans, as we grow old, we learn to start to accept life as how it is for us, instead of questioning the treachery of life, we accept every reasons life have given us. Some things we can change but most of the things, we can't. This is a fact, to me at least it is.

I want to be genuinely happy, how can i achieve that? I try to be positive, i try to be nice to people so that they will be nice to me as well. But what makes me happy the most is to see happiness in others, that's what makes me smile the most :)

Quote of the night....

Life isn't cruel but life for us is tough, why make it tougher by creating dispute? Learn from mistakes and grow.......happiness comes from within, but the trigger points of happiness comes from the sight.......

An entity that crossed.....

Yesterday was my birthday, which was just like any other day. Other then an occurrence of a "natural disaster" (flooding of the facebook), my housemates and i went out for dinner at Macdonalds. It felt like 3 small kids holding hands and ordering Macs at the counter hahaha. Cute isn't it? A year older and my wish is always the same many many years ago, to be genuinely happy........

Let's talk about love...... recently, i had been thinking about love. Same old repeated question, what exactly is it all about? I have been missing someone lately, not too much, but good enough to get me tossing and turning all night.

Msn has always been my mode of communications with fellow Singapore friends but the timings are a lil annoying at times. Chatting with friends have always been part of my breaks in between or probably even during revisions period. This particular person that i chat with had a seemingly unique way of communication, Vincent Lee Kok Wei, to confirm the identity of this person, 9036867..... To others i am not sure, but to me it feels rather different. I can't really describe these feelings, they are kinda messed up at the moment. It's kinda shocking for me to find out that he is 3 years younger than me!! My younger sister is 4 years "downstream" of me hahaha "things that will happen, WILL happen", but i trust that in him are faith and passion, for the person meant to be with him :) jiayou!

I have something to say......

Just like a newborn, facing the world
Knowing the path ahead, starting all over again
Learning the new things, remembering the past
Walking the path alone, thinking about you.......
Dashing forward, looking back...
The past dissipates, condenses on my mind....
It was never about you but it has to be you...........

Quote of the day...

Sometimes things can happen without you realising the credibility of it....