Through the winds of despair.....

That's me in the lab hahaha guess what, you are right, there ain't anyone in the lab but me, it is a sunday afternoon hahahaha well, essentially, the lab allows this kind of "dressing" hahahahah that's pretty awesome isn't it :)

Well anyway, just to keep people interested?? haha too much "exposed" pictures would not really reflects well on me, i thought so hahaha anyway.

This entry will be short, i am kinda in this post- "trance" mode that seems to somewhat stuck in between of the resting and the hyper stage. Weird though, probably due to the tonnes of works that's coming 1 another.

Your image intertwines with the nerves of mine....

A pulse of potential twitches my nerves,
The sense of speaking grew past the silence treshold,
A word of greeting off it goes
The heart that awaits for an angel's call.......

Quote of the night.....

You will only know how it feels like when you are there....

Is it time?

The weather has been really cold and the temperature could drop down to 10 degrees C or even further down. Have been doing lotsa assignments day in day out, night in night out and every second, well not exactly every, but most of the time, i did be doing some homeworks. Through the night and often missed the morning lectures. But seriously, it is very tiring and i kinda envy my housemates when they went out and enjoy themselves etc. Guess i ain't an interesting person afterall, in terms of being "in line" with the "mainstream" people, not entirely but some, fortunately they are the some people, mind you, it's spelled correctly, "FORTUNATELY".

What has been really going on with my mind and thoughts, seriously it seems like there is this "membrane-like" structure that blocks out all my thoughts on things other then school works. This is going to be confusing, so in other words, my mind seems to "suffer" from a state of "workaholism". There are just so much to do that i am literaly lost in time and space. I hasn't been speaing or talking to my housemates lately, i kinda put this barrier up myself. I am not trying to target them in any ways but what i felt is , essentially they seems "free-er", perhaps not as much work as i do, well i am not trying to compare, just merely stating the facts, pretty obvious ones.

Was it me or there are some people who are also experiencing this rather minor and "un-eyes-catching" detail on facebook? Do you sometimes see your friends number decrease and increase at times when you refresh the page? I have this idea that i might have accepted "unknowingly" (i don't how), some "virtual" friends hahaha, "read" the inverted comas and go with some gesture on that, pretty obvious with what i am refering to right? I don't know, maybe i am see-ing "things", hahaa crazy thoughts.

There are just so many things that i would like to share with people about my experience and perhaps make them realise how fortunate they are. But in my observations, they just don't care. It would be like, "you're the unlucky and that's your problem", that's that, cut-throat kinda attitude. So most of the time, i did rather keep it to myself and tell my stories to someone whom i can trust and learn something out of it. The difference between someone imagining the scenario with you telling them your experience and you yourself having experienced that in the past, is that the person can never reach that level of emotional "crunch" that you have been through. Other then trying to draft out a nice phrase to complement your stories as you go along is perhaps the only thing that can be done, so to speak, it's the past. There is this 1 principle i hold close to my heart, well there are alot of others as well, "never believe in what you see but believe in what you feel". See-ing something is just a "emotionless" action, i am speaking in the context of relationships and mutualistic understandings, most of the time, if you have notice it, what you see, isn't really what it seems. I can be someone who is ignorant, who gives a stuck up face etc, this is what you SEE, indefinitely, it gives you a rough idea on what kind of a character i possess. But what you don't see, is in fact the things that will define my character. Believing in what you felt is often, well not scientifically or psychologically proven to be true, but essentially it tells you the right thing. Well it occurs to me that i can see exactly, not to the exact "decimals", what a person is most likely to be like by his very own nature.

I leave my very last question for you to answer. What is your idea of believe? Make it as exaggerating as it is hahaha i am pretty sure there is a whole lot of meanings that this word has hidden in it, or perhaps it is just as simple as it seems hahaha.

Quote of the night....

The charge of electricity flows only in one direction as with time moves towards the future leaving the past behind and the present stranded......

Utter disgust.....

It's perfectly alright if you are walking this path alone, to be looking around, making friends and doing certain "things" that put you further then just shaking hands. But what is definitely wrong and DISGUSTING, is when your left hand is holding a person's hand while your right hand is on the waist of another person. This is an analogy here, so there are no, "So?" kinda of questions regarding that phrase.

It is like a completely separated mindset and thinking. I feel really disgusted and i can't believe i know that person. I must have been blind but i believe that's all nature. The disgusting side of some people, who knows many.

You are so confident on the things you do, let me tell you this, your confidence is complacency. But it's alright, that's your problem and how it will affect you, you will know when the time comes.

Anyway, have been feeling rather irritated by alot of stuff over here in Brissie. Particularly, people. Not the locals, surprisingly but people of the same country of origin.

Some people are just insensitive and the more you project yourself as a happy go lucky person, the more they will assume. Some times, it is always good to refrain yourself from saying insensitive stuff or saying something that you don't mean it and that you were just trying to console someone. It is best that you keep quiet simply because, what you are seeing is the surface of a situation or a scenario, your act of ignorance is enough to strike a deathly blow to someone which you wouldn't realise it at all.

Not everyone is as lucky as you, not everyone is as fortunate as you, not everyone can enjoy life like you do, not everyone can behave like a king like you do, not everyone can complain about life like you do, not everyone can get what you already have...... there are just so many things that is not "prevalent" in others yet you are still behaving like you are the king or queen?? What's with that attitude??

You can't do anything to help but the best thing to do is, behave and not complain. Don't ask for more or hope for more, when someone at a corner is BEGGING for it. People just don't learn and just don't care........ and why should i? I am behaving like a stranger now and that i hope they do see the change......but one thing for sure, they will never understand the reason why........ Insensitive, utterly insensitive......

When will that be?

Having a cup of Continental Pepper Steak soup, awesome taste! Anway, when was my last post over here? Quite some time ago..... Been really busy with a lot of assignments, assessments and all the loads of research works that i have to do. It has been so exhaustive that i am seriously deprived of sleeps and ironically, i am still awake at this hour hahaha

Been thinking a lot, not about school works but life in general. Love, family, work commitments and friends..... I have been rather "stimulative" recently, little comments have the ability to spark a great deal of thoughts in my mind or even actions. I hasn't been really communicating with my housemates recently due to some actions they did which i consider them as "insensitive beings" and "thoughtless souls"..... i skipped out of the harsh words because i believe i am in no place to tell them off but i hope one day they will learn their lessons. :) Bless them.

Pretty soon, a quarter of the year will pass by or rather, it has already passed. This has been my busiest semester and also my most emotional phase in uni life. Why do i say that? Housemates are not "behaving" themselves which i am really unhappy about considering how much i hate it when someone do something behind another person's back. I leave this to your imagination. School work piling up like some kind of a landfill, just so much to look into and this little time to sort them out. Honestly, i did rather live alone then living with anyone else, that's just me.

How is everything back home? Seems alright to me based on the many enjoyable moments of time captured and uploaded on facebook, i am sure they are enjoying themselves which is what i want to see :) and they are safe and sound, i would die just to keep them that way...... and that's again, just me......

Been feeling rather lonely these few days and the reminiscense of the past "events" have been "haunting" me recently. Notice the inverted comas with haunting, i am not sure if it is bad but i dun think it is good either, i am pretty sure, it has a double consequence to that. Even when reading through the diary i have beside my bed right now, i can still feel how i felt back in the past, here in Brissie, amazing huh hahaha.

I see changes, so much changes that i am scared. Time flies and seems like my very first breathe i took was just a few DAYS ago. hahaha it has been 22 years since then and i felt like i have never grew up at all. Every bits and pieces of heartache i had still remain fresh in my mind and pain to my heart every time i think about them...... I am tired but i can't stop by the road side and take a break...... i want to share my life but it seems like something is telling me, "Ernest, you don't have to :)"......

Been dreaming a lot, weird and exciting dreams. The only time when i am "detached" from reality and letting loose my imaginations for a somewhat true fantasy, is when i dream at night......

I yearn for the voice that would call out to me and say, "Ernest, it's time....."

Quote of the night.......

Never forget who you are before and what you have become......... see the change and see yourself.....